The Myth Of
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I blame the lottery and why not? Most of us look at dating as we do the lottery. We buy ticket after ticket, hoping that one of them will be a winner and we’ll suddenly become rich and famous. There’s no work involved. All you have to do is keep buying tickets and eventually something good will come of it, most likely happiness. That’s a terribly destructive way of thinking, but we use that theory in dating all of the time. Just keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing, dating the same way and the same type of people, and eventually you’ll find the right person for you. Just as 99.9 percent of lottery ticket-buyers are disappointed, so too will you be disappointed when you approach dating that way. The people who find riches don’t buy lottery tickets; they work hard and change things when they don’t work. In order to succeed in dating, you have to work hard and change the things that don’t work, even if that thing you have to change is you. With this website, I’m going to review my dating experiences in the hopes that it will point out some flaws in people and our perception of people so that we can improve ourselves. Naturally, the people I date will have more flaws then me, but let them write their own website. People tend to break up or get divorced and do absolutely nothing to change the habits and the thinking that caused their breakup. They then assure themselves of another bad relationship because the very same habits that caused the first one to end are still there. Mainly, my advice is going to be for women, since men very rarely read, and when they do, it’s not books on how to date. Books on how to hypnotize women into bed, yes. Books on how to mentally shape up to meet women, no. If you read a section and say to yourself, “it sounds a little like me,” it is you. Don’t follow that statement up with a thousand reasons why that particular statement isn’t you, like “she was into scrapbook, but I’m into sewing.” You need to look at your general pattern of behavior and see if it fits. If it does, that’s not necessarily bad, but it might explain why your relationships have not worked out. You might want to then change or adapt that behavior, if possible. Or, learn why that behavior is important and a vital part of you. I should note, however, that if you have a lot of energy around a particular issue (whether it’s animal rights or porn), it is something that should be dealt with. Just remember, if you’re unable to have or keep a quality relationship, it’s your behavior that is giving you that result, nothing else. The only way to change that result is to change your behavior. Copyright 2007 Carl Birkmeyer |