A Different World

When you’re dating at 21, there is a virtually unlimited field of potential dates. The only people not on the market are those sickeningly-sweet couples who are “high school sweethearts,” and they’ll be divorced and joining us in the dating pool eventually anyway. If dating is a store, you’re shopping in a huge Saks Fifth Avenue with lots of departments that are fully stocked. Looking for an athletic blonde who likes The Cure? There are ten of them on the second floor. Brunettes who like to go camping? Check out Aisle Seven. Sure, there are a few items that are already purchased or off in the warehouse, but you can move from section to section until you find an area that suits your needs. Then, you can pick from that area because it’s what you like and what likes you. A few really weird areas aren’t low on stock, but for those of us who aren’t foot fetishists or look-alikes for Pee Wee Herman, there are usually plenty of people in our target market.

Unfortunately, it’s a vastly different landscape when you’re over thirty and dating. One day you look around at the store and realize that most of the items in the store have already been purchased. When you try to find the section you like, it’s as empty as Donald Trump’s conscience. The only things now left in the store are a few display models that are slightly banged-up, stuff that wouldn’t sell, and stuff that was returned. The only well-stocked department in the entire store is the Scratch and Dent Department in the basement. Even when you get lucky and find a piece that was in your favorite section down in the Scratch and Dent Department, there’s usually a hidden flaw or two once you examine it closely. That athletic blonde who likes The Cure also has seven cats, two dogs, four parrots, and believes soap and shampoo are tools of Satan.

Don’t get me wrong, not all of the pieces in the scratch and dent section are unusable or even bad. Heck, a lot of them seem very nice. However, there’s a reason that they’re in the scratch and dent section. The scratches and dents of furniture translate into unrealistic expectations, lack of self-knowledge, emotional problems, and just plain wear and tear, in the dating field. Not all of it is bad, but all of it needs to be worked with in order to make it a usable item. The main difference is that furniture knows why it’s in the scratch and dent section and most people don’t. They expect their potential mates to be the same dream date they fantasized about at the age of 14 and they don’t realize they’re not exactly a dream either.

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