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            I think we’ve all run the person who believes in “love at first sight” and other Disney propaganda. Never mind that mutual love and respect can only come after you spend time getting to know each other. These people want Prince Charming to come along and magically sweep them off their feet, just as he did in the movies. In the real world, however, the five-minute Prince Charming always ends up being Prince Shallow. Here are some actual ads from a dating service, completely unedited: 

“One look and you'll just know. It's so true isn't it?” (34 and never married)

“I'm a true believer in ‘the spark.’ I can tell within 5 minutes if I click with someone and that's all I look for. I'm very picky, but only because I don't like to waste anyone's time or my own. If I don't think there is chemistry from the start, I don't proceed.” (38 and never married)

“I’m not sure what I’m looking for, to be honest. I know that as soon as I meet him, we’ll know we were meant for each other.” (43 and never married)

             The woman who takes the instant attraction route is dooming herself to failure. Oftentimes, attraction leads us to precisely the type of person we should avoid. As with the Jerk Magnet, the “spark seeker” is continually selecting only one type of man, and then complaining that all men are the same. Attraction is great and can lead to a lot of great, but meaningless, sex. Love, which is the basis of every solid relationship, is different from attraction. Love is based on deeper qualities than a person’s eye color, shoulder width, and initial pick-up line.

            Instead of picking out a guy, think about picking out a house. You look at ten or fifteen houses and then one instantly grabs your eye. A five-minute walk-though shows off a nice interior, but doesn’t let you check out the basement. Do you immediately buy the house? Of course not. You check out the neighborhood, the price, the schools, and the utility bills. Then, you have a home inspection because you don’t know what might be hiding behind those freshly painted walls. You’re about to make a major investment; of course you’re going to check it out thoroughly. You don’t want to waste any time or money and get stuck with a lemon.

            But you’ll waste thousands of emotional dollars on dates because you are unable to be thorough, to look behind the initial impression when selecting potential partners. In fact, that initial impression becomes your guide for happiness. No spark, no follow-through. No chance to learn more about someone and no chance to learn more about yourself.

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